Ok, last Thursday is already a while back and to keep some order in these posts on prayer (more will follow), I'm pre-dating this one. Is that actually allowed in blogger-world?
No, I did not stay away from blogging after the first week because I blew it right away.
I just didn't get to it. Sometimes I wanted to blog, but that would probably have kept me from praying. Other times I needed more time to process what happened some more before I could share it (either in person or in words on 'paper'). And then there were times that reality caught up with what I had planned on blogging about.
Here's a short summary of the different things I prayed through or different ways I tried to connect to God.
* I started with reading some Job; the parts where God responds to Job by asking him all the questions about where Job was when God created the earth and all.
* There was an evening where repentance was the theme of my prayer. When thinking about what had gone wrong in a specific situation, I realized it had to do with my (egoistic) expectations of the situation. It was good to realize this while praying.
* One day I read 1 John which was pretty good. It's all about knowing God, belonging to him, how we can know that we belong to him etc. Reading it was good, but trying to pray about it, and hear more form God about it.... I don't know...
* I went back to reading James 4:1-10, Isaiah 1 and 1 Kings 19:1-18; the texts that were really profound to me in the beginning of the year. It's about humbling yourself before God (James), how the people of Israel rebelled against God (Isaiah) and how God speaks to Elijah in a whisper (Kings). But again... being still and hearing the whisper...
* A very good, but simple evening was when I just sat down on the couch, had something to drink and tried to have a good, 'personal' time with God. I'll share more about this one in a separate post.
* I had evenings of trying to listen to God, evenings of reading his word, evenings of both. I tried 'letting it happen' and I tried 'coming up with a plan'.
And then there was last Thursday...
Well, more about that in a next post.
What shall I say... The first week.
It was difficult - difficult to find the right time in my daily schedule - difficult to not be distracted for half an hour (or even half a minute) - difficult to quiet my mind, my thoughts and really try to listen to God - difficult to both expect something great to happen and to be content with nothing happening at all - difficult to seek God and not trying to 'get something out of it'.
It was challenging - challenging to think about when would be the best time to pray; are there things I should say no to or postpone and pray, or should I pray later - challenging to still spend time with God after a long Sinterklaas evening with family and being to tired to think about anything - challenging to admit that even though I (think I) try hard, I fail in perseverance everyday again - challenging to try to keep a balance between listening to God (and maybe become passive) and seeking God in His word for example (and taking over and doing it my way).
It was good - good to look back and see the different things I read, thought about, noticed, prayed for - good to think about the time ahead and see how many 'topics' there remain to look into - good to realize this is a commitment deeper than any other commitment of this kind I've ever had before - good to know that there are people supporting me in it.
It was sometimes strange to realize certain things. Let me share one.
When someone does something very well, achieves something big, has a great idea, or whatever, I find it much easier to be amazed, thrilled, 'in awe', surprised etc., when I never thought that the person would be able to do that, than when I sort of expect the person to do it. When it's not really a surprise, when it makes sense that someone does this or that thing, then it's still very good, but you're not knocked over by it.
I found out I have the same thing with God. I find it great and wonderful how he created both the universe in all it's magnificence and the smallest of molecules, atoms, dna etc. at the same time. But come on: He is God! He can do anything! I don't understand how it works, but He does. So, what's the big deal? (And I don't mean this as blunt or careless as it may sound - it's a sincere thought I have).
I guess those two things make it difficult for me to see the wonder of it all (that I don't understand it and that for God it's something pretty normal).
Please leave a comment on where I'm going wrong in my thinking.
13 September, last post. Has is been that long? Really?
Thanks Marc, for being curious about what they are. Right now it's not the time to share them, though.
What I will share is, that for the next three weeks I will do something radical, something BIG, something important, something I've never done before, something I can't (and don't) believe I can really do, something that has the possibility of changing my life (although right now I find that hard to imagine), something I should have done long ago, something that's (hopefully) not about me, something (sigh) I'm kind of afraid of, something I kind of long for, something that is (apparently) very natural, something that is (apparently) very difficult and hard work, something I've been putting off too long (and am doing even right now by writing all this)...
I'm going to pray - for three weeks - for about half an hour a day - every day - and not miss a day.
There. That's it. I've said it.
And as sort of 'social experiment', as something to help me stay focused and accountable (though I have my wonderful home group for that too) - and a little inspired by Marc and Eric - I'm going to share my experiences with the world (or with the whatever small percentage of people actually visits this blog). Probably not everyday, probably not in very long stories but enough for you to follow up on how I'm doing.
Will you pray with me?
The reason I haven't blogged much in a while: I'm thinking too many deep thoughts.
From: garfield minus garfield
